Nothing Much….

I felt so wasted for not spending some moments to write down my first pregnancy experience in this blog. Besides having problems to update my blog regularly since I’m so not in the mood to visit the internet café just in order to keep on track with my blog and besides that, time is not always on my side. There are always so muck of things to do at home and when I managed to settle everything, my body was already exhausted. I choose to sleep instead! Many things had happened in Malacca. We cannot run away from problems and I would like to advice everyone to solve the problems that occur instead of thinking so hard how to get rid from the problems. No matter how far you run or where you hide, your life would still be miserable with many problems. Hmmm… , I didn’t thought that things would change when I left home for a few years while pursuing my study and career and it’s such a big mistake for not noticing that my siblings has changed a lot. And now, I’m having difficulties in order to adapt their new behaviors and bad habit. Fuh, it was such a challenging task for me because there’s always tears and heartache when I failed to calm down my feelings with their attitudes. Basically, many things have changed overall and I blame myself for not noticing the differences. I’m getting tired for not having any directions in life right now since my Maktab enrollment will only start early next year. I’m not complaining and yet I did all these for my first baby. I was l in great fear when I recalled the first time I felt in the toilet. I cried like one crazy women and I was lucky enough when I learned that my baby was in the safe condition. Once in a while, I managed to spare my time reading all those pregnancy books and magazines. I thought that I could get much useful information but instead I became weak after learning so much of things about pregnancy. I felt so happy when the baby moved for the first time and it felt like you having some sort of vibration machine in your stomach. Right now, my baby is not just moving but it kicks my stomach some times. I could easily feel which part of the body is moving at this time….. To be continued…..

Countdown To My Last Day As A Creative Writer...

After tomorrow, I will start a new chapter and a different routine in my life. Hopefully, I manage to get a better life although I had to gamble everything in order to continue with my journey. Hmm.. I guess these would be pretty exciting especially when I will do different things in my new environment. Besides that, staying together with my happy and unpredictable family will be so much fun and adventure at the same time since I need to adjust my place there. Wish me luck huh!

In every decision that we take, fellings are always involved because we have emotions. Some stuff can become small matters to some people but it might be a big problem to some of us in different aspect. I believe that my resignation was not a big deal to some people because my contribution was meaningless to them. There's no emotion or any feeling attached I guess and it didn't really bother me as far as I'm concern!

Tomorrow will be consider as one of my sad day because I'm going to leave some good and nice people that I managed to get to know them in such a short period. I'm going to miss everyone in Art Square and all the datelines, brainstormings, meetings, events, press screenings and everything related with the working environment especially the yahoo messenger.... heheheheheeh! Hopefully, I'm capable to keep in touch with everyone and insya-allah, we will meet again!

Hanya Sekadar Coretan...

Tahap loya, demam, sakit kepala dan takde selera makanku makin menjadi-jadi. Fikiran dah semestinya jadi semakin kacau-bilau terutamnya apabila aku berada dalam situasi yang tak menyenangkan seperti terpaksa mendengar muzik yang terlampau kuat, duduk di depan pc terlalu lama serta terpaksa berdiri dalam jangkamasa yang panjang. Kalau boleh, aku nak tidur sepanjang masa tapi dari duduk kat rumah sorang diri, aku rela kuatkan semangat untuk ke office jugak & menghadapi pelbagai cabaran setiap hari. Walaupun bukan setiap hari melalui kesakitan yang tak diduga ni, namun aku berharap sangat agar aku mampu untuk mengatasi segala masalah supaya aku tak menyusahkan orang lain. Kalau mamaku berjaya dapatkan 4 orang anak, takkan aku yang baru sorang ni dah tak larat kan? Mungkin dengan pengalaman mengandung buat pertama kali ni, aku dapat merasai kesakitan serta pengalaman pahit yang telah mamaku tempuhi semasa melahirkan aku & adik-adikku ke dunia ni. Sampai kat stage nilah, baru rasa bersalah sangat apabila teringatkan scene aku meninggikan suara ketika bercakap dengannya dan kalau boleh diputarkan masa, aku sanggup mendengar setiap kata yang disuruhnya. Tapi, tak mengapa kerana mungkin dengan cara ni, aku akan berasa insaf dan akan lebih menyayangi mamaku. Sebab itulah, aku mengambil keputusan untuk berpindah semula ke kampung halamanku untuk berada dekat dengan seisi keluargaku. Walaupun susah buat sementara waktu kerana kemungkinan besar aku tidak akan bekerja dan suamiku pula hanya akan menolong pakcikku namun yang penting ialah perasaan gembira yang akan aku kecapi kerana dapat berada dekat dengan keluargaku. Tak tahu lagi apa yang akan berlaku kepada kehidupan ku selepas ni, tapi yang penting sekali aku dapat menggembirakan kedua-dua mama dan papaku kerana telah berjaya mendapat tawaran KPLI. Itulah hadiah yang paling bermakna sekali untuk mama dan papa!

A Box Of Chocolate

I received a present yasterday and it was a box of chocolate! Beside the celebrating moments, it was a time for me to remind myself that I'm getting one year older. Many questions came into my mind and I'm not sure if I manage to get a good answer. By the way, this is life and we have no power to stop the twist just to get everything that we want! No pain, No gain, rite? Hopefully I can try harder in future in order to reach for the best for everyone that I loved and care for....

But, why must it be a box of chocolate? I couldn't relate it with my life! Hmmm... No comment!!

Congratulations...

HAPPY would be the perfect word to describe my feelings right now after I've received one good news today. Thanks to God for helping and giving me the confidence all this while. I didn't expect to get such a wonderful gift during this festive season from God and I'm glad that God has answered my hope and prayer. Thankful to ALLAH!

Note: Maybe ni rezeki baby jugak agaknya! Alhamdullilah...

Juz Giving A Thought

I'm not having a pleasant moments for the time being. Because of that, I felt a lil' bit lazy to keep on writing. There's not much of happy stuff to share as I'm going through morning and evening sickness plus some depression with no reason. Maybe these were the part of process that I've got to go through in early pregnancy according to the doctor. I pray very hard everyday so that Allah will always be at my side during my ups and down journey.
Basically, I'm giving a thought to make a major decision in my life. I dunno if I'm doing the right thing but atleast I must give it a try first because life is already full of risks and no matter which path I'm taking, the risk are always there to challenge me. Hopefully, this would be the right thing to do at the right time.

Ohhh.... My Baby!

Setelah otak aku serabut dengan macam-macam problem, finally aku telah menerima one good news last Friday yang aku rasa memang patut aku catatkan in this blog and share with everyone. Last week, aku macam takde selera nak makan sangat & every morning aku akan kena flu bila tiba kat office. So, I thought it was normal since setiap kali before period datang, aku akan mengalami situasi tak sedap badanlah, takde selera makan & macam-macam lagi. I managed to put aside all the worries and penyakit but untill last Friday, I couldn't bear untuk tahan penyakit gastrik aku yang muncul secara tiba-tiba pada hari sebelumnya. Tapi gastrik yang aku alami pada kali ni, ada kelainan sikit sebab I felt like vomitted when nothing actually came out through my throat dan perut aku rasa kosong sangat. Selalunya bila gastrik tahap kronik aku muncul memang segala isi yang ada kat dalam perut akan keluar dan takde pulak aku rasa loya-loya tahap dewa yang macam aku alami sekarang!

Apabila rasa tak tahan sangat, aku pun mengambil keputusan untuk pergi berjumpa dengan doktor untuk dapatkan injection kat perut untuk hilangkan sakit gastrik tu. And the doctor asked me to lay down first while he was asking one of his assistant to get ready with the injection but suddenly right before doktor tu cucuk perut aku, tetiba dia tanya "Eh, awak dah kawen kan? Awak ada miss period tak lately?"... Then aku replied yang period aku dah 8 hari lambat dan dengan segeranya doktor tu suruh aku bangun dan buat urine test! Jantung aku dah berdegup pantas sebab aku takut jika keputusan yang akan aku dapat dari test nanti negatif. I'm actually putting high hopes & aku ingatkan kalau masuk hari ke 14 tak datang jugak period tu barulah aku buat pregnancy test sebab lewat 8 hari untuk period kan memang perkara normal bagi kaum pompuan! Dengan kaki yang menggigil, aku pun pergilah buat urine test tu dan aku cuma berserah jer pada Allah sebab kalau ada rezeki yang telah ditentukannya maka positiflah pregnancy test yang aku ambil ni. Lepas serahkan the urine bottle to the doctor, he asked me to sit first while he did the test. Lepas tu, dia cakap kat aku kalau ada satu line maka maknanya aku tak pregnantlah dan kalau ada dua lines that means I'm pregnant! Aku pun bangun untuk tengok sendiri dan alangkah gembiranya bila aku nampak ada 2 garisan yang keluar daripada kertas yang telah dmasukkan ke dalam bekas urine aku. Secara serta-merta airmata aku mengalir & sayang sekali that I missed to experienced this moment with my hubby! Aku bersyukur sangat kepada Tuhan kerana telah memakbulkan doa aku.... I berharap sangat agar aku dan kandungan aku ni akan mendapat kesihatan yang baik sepanjang tempoh aku mengandung. The doctor said that my baby is now in week 5 so kalau takde sebarang masalah, insya-allah baby tersebut akan keluar pada bulan Julai nanti...